Alcohol may cause you to forget things.

Ahh, last night was crazyy, I've been piecing the night together and here's what I kind of remember:
- Not paying for any drinks, even though I tried.
- Having sweet talks with Amanda and Sam and pre-drinking on the skytrain, haha. We are awesome.
- REALLY having to pee once we got off the skytrain and running around to find a bathroom, and almost not finding it, thank you random man who showed us where it was!
- Giving ALL my change to a homeless lady
- Chasing vodka with Malibu because we ran out of chase.
- Sara Sim and I being insane together and talking about how much we love Safeway
- Trying to help the Mexican girl feel better.
- My other bathroom friend who for some reason I thought was really awesome.
- That guy in the red sweater who told me he had a tattoo and I was really excited to talk about tattoos with someone so I sat with him and his friends for a while and he wouldn't tell me what his tattoo was or where it was. So, I left him. Until I found him again outside and he was leaving and I said he HAD to tell me, so he tried to kiss me and I hit him. Then he informed me he doesn't have a tattoo. Asshole.
- I'm pretty positive I fell at some point.
- Talking to that girl (I think her name was Jo) for a really long time and swearing we had to add eachother on Facebook, except I couldn't remember her name.
- People telling me about the cute things he said about me :)
- On the skytrain when these two guys were fighting with Paul and Craig and they almost followed us to Mikey's place, and they were yelling and shit. Assholes.
- Me being a huge jerk to Paul
- Mikey telling me about the huge crush he has on Sam
- Me then telling Sam about it.
- Constantly having people come up to me and say "Hey, I'm you're Matty's girlfriend right?" then, even though I would always tell them my name, being referred to as only that.
- Having a long talk with Danielle
- Having a long talk with Lindsay
- Wondering where Sam was half the night.
- Hanging out with some random guy from Europe who happened to be sitting near us.
- Dying from the cold.

The rest of it just blurs together, oh god. So drunk. But so much fun.

Take Me Anywhere

Bright just like the stars above me
Proud just like my mother planned it
Short on all the things I don't want
I'm full of love and longing
Take me by the hand and tell me
You would take me anywhere
Still, cause I don't want to move a thing
In hopes that you'll fit right into me
And all the things I don't want they're full
Of love and longing
Take me by the hand and tell me
You would take me anywhere
And it goes, its like a come on come on to me
And it goes it's like a come on come on to me
You, you say you don't see any part of me
To love in all this mess and I know
You take the good and all the bad that comes with me

I don't care if you don't need to hear it. I'm happy.

I love long, lazy days. The kind where we just lay around, watch movies, kiss, and talk. Even though a good week for us is when we can see each other twice in the same week... I do love the days we do get to spend together. We're silly and cute. And I enjoy it immensely. <3

Hey, remember that time this was a secret blog that no one else read? I kind of miss that time. Before this was a place where I could honestly get out anything I was feeling and wouldn't be judged for it. Now it seems to be a place where people personally attack me through their posts. I just thought friendship meant more than that.

I always feel this need to please everyone at all times. And I always manage to fail and have everyone get mad at me. So, the past 24 hours have led me to this point. Where I can already tell what a horrible day this is going to be and I am crying uncontrollably. I have to go into work half an hour early because Pam wants to talk to me about closing, even though I thought I did a really good job. So, I fail at my job. Apparently my self worth is measured by how much I make and if I live on my own. And I'm a terrible friend.

Let the 'Brittany sucks' fest continue.

I love you Fable

I finally got Fable 2. Mmm yes. I am so stoked. I'm not playing it yet because I'll never leave for work otherwise, but I read the entire manual and I am EXCITED. Lovelovelove.
I went to the Naam in downtown Vancouver the other night and it was amazing! Organic vegetarian food? Mmm yes, tofu has never tasted so good! Amazing atmosphere as well. Def will go again.
Worktime soon, I haven't done a closing shift in FOREVER, this will be odd, oh well, I love Catherine so it'll be fun. Aaand, I def need more money so working is good. I think if I have to work cash I'd rather it be a closing shift anyways. Hopefully Steve worked everything out for Tueday.
It makes me sad Tuesday is probably the next time I'll get to see you. Busy lives suck :( I miss you.

Dear Nintendo, I hate you.

I've been really frustrated with Nintendo. Seriously. I mean, when I heard they were going to aim at the 'casual gamer' I was like 'Okay, I guess that's alright. Whatev' But, it's making me really mad. I hate the Wiimote, I have decided. It ruined everything. I'm tired of gimmicks. Every game that comes out is centered around how the Wiimote makes it alllll better. Nope, frankly, I would love to stick to my Xbox 360 or PS3. Better graphics? Better gameplay? Better selection of titles? Thank you very much. Nintendo, you are lucky you make Zelda, that's the only reason I continue to buy from you. Fuckkk. It's sad to see what was once such a great company take such a downturn. I don't care how revolutionary it is that 60 year olds are playing video games! If I'm not enjoying them, what's the point?! "Only 13% of Wii games accounted for around 80% of sales." My point exactly. Maybe I'm just bitter? I used to be the biggest Nintendo fangirl, but, recently I've found it too difficult to defend them. They are the weaker system right now. And I just don't have the fun I used to have anymore. So, yes, my 360 will be recieving my love. Microsoft keeps me warm at night.

My thoughts.

I am now done work until 6:30PM on Thursday, oh yess. And, I have made the executive decision that I will be getting rid of my Friday shift. I am tired. I don't understand how. Last night I slept sooo much. I don't even understand how. I have a feeling I will be in bed by midnight, weeeird.
Work was prettyyy awesome today, I enjoyed myself
My room needs to be cleaner.
I have discovered how to press flowers.
I love Kate Nash more than usual as of late.
I forgot what this was like. It's going decently thus far though.
My DS died while I was playing it. Sad!
I'm hungryy, but too lazy to get up and make something. Oh, but I really want spaghetti, with like, vegetably sauce. Mmmm, chunks of vegetables <3

Time is mine!

Work at four am! When most people are either sleeping or staying up late. Lame. Oh well, I'll sleep when I get home! Then a short shift tomorrow. THEN 2.5 days off!! YES. I will have time to read, and play video games. Oh yes, I am excited for this. Aaaand, I am excited for Tuesday night = New experiences and guiltless? Awesome.

Mhm.

I don't know how you do it. It just amazed me when you said that... Thank you for understanding and not judging me for it. It's nice to know the small things don't go unnoticed and that you care. You don't even know what it means to me.

Too long.

“Nico take it slow, show me that you care”

All I can think about lately is how wonderful the summer will be. Lying in the grass, under the sun. Good music. (like, GOOD music). Late nights. Warmth. Summer clothing. I just crave it.
Kasey thinks she’s so smug. Little does she know what’s happening. People know. Pam asked me today if I was going to be becoming a manager. And I could honestly say yes. It’s going to happen. It excites me and terrifies me all at once. Life is changing. I’m growing. If you would’ve asked me when I was little what I would be doing when I was nineteen… Never would I have imagined that someday soon I will be the person in charge of closing a large chain supermarket. I got to give a tour of the backroom today and yes, it is huge. And it’s mine. I feel proud.
My self-esteem inexplicably takes a huge dive randomly sometimes. Like, I just have days where I feel all my clothing makes me look shitty and that my face needs to go away. I don’t like it. I don’t like that feeling. I felt it for a while because of whom I was with. I have no reason for this anymore. I don’t understand.
I miss photography.
Things I really want to do:
- Go to a dark restaurant (the ones where you dine in the pitch black)
- Go to more concerts.
- Go to Vancouver more often.
- Find my camera and take more pictures. May need to give up and buy a new camera.
- Go to more museums, I love them.
- Experience new things more often.
- Find the courage to speak what I feel.
- Put these ideas I have on canvas.
- Start my tattoo. I crave it, so badly.
- Read more.
- Play more video games.
- And so much more.

“Balloons or no balloons”

Things make me think. A lot. I don’t know why I’m in such a thinking mode right now…. I mean, I obviously always think. It’s just one of those nights. I love The Format. It speaks to me. I love that. When the lyrics of a song just make you think “Wow, you seem to have nailed my life down. How did you manage that one? Well, thank you.” My hair is lengthening. Sufjan Stevens also does that. Oh, yes. It’s delicious.

I remember when I just wrote in my blog and didn’t have to think about the fact people were reading it. I miss that. I need to stop thinking about what people may think about me. This is supposed to relieve the stress of my life because I can be open in a way I cannot be anywhere else. Hmph.

I still live my days in worry that I may be contacted again, or may run into him. It’s terrible. I want to KNOW it’s not going to happen again, but sadly, with him you never know. Sometimes you just have to accept that because you made mistakes in your life you now get to live on edge that another drunk call may occur.

MAN. I love Sufjan Stevens. It’s just. Amazing. That is a concert I would kill to see. Especially at a festival. Mmm.

I am tired right now. But. I don’t feel this is done. There is so much within me, needing to burst out. If only I could get over my fears! I wish people wouldn’t say things to hurt me, whether they intend it to or not. I think they know who they are. It makes me feel terrible and clouds my previously sunny views on you. There. Something 100% honestly put. Relief. Although, there are some things I’m not even sure of in myself. But, I have plenty of time to sort it out. I am only nineteen! Life is still ahead of me!

I need to wake up at nine am. It is now two am. Oh well. I am going to be tired, considering how little sleep I got last night. Maybe that will be good for me. Maybe tomorrow night I will be able to have a regular sleep. I would enjoy that.

I get weird when I’m tired. Weird and less inhibited. About my thoughts I mean. I just say things… Then afterwards wonder why I did. I don’t know. That’s my self-consciousness coming out.

Okay. I must end this for now. Sleep must occur. I don’t want to be too tired. Goodnight. This is too long, I think.

Epic.

Awesome, awesome night.
I forgot how wonderful a live show can make you feel, even if you don't really know the bands. Rich Hope? Amazing guitar and harmonica, he was an amazing performer. Glasvegas? Killers-esque and also amazing. An epic feeling. Mmm yes. Richards on Richards is a nice club. Would definitely go back. Aaaand, afterwards was amazing as well. I'm so glad you don't mind just cuddling together for large spans of time :) and you certainly can say some pretty words <3

Today!

So, today I am going shopping. To buy a better work uniform. And a white shirt. In preperation of what is to come. I need to make a list of what to do today. So, here it is:
- Buy new work uniform
- Finish my letter and print it, ready to hand to Gord on Monday, maybe I'll even go in tomorrow and give it to him.
- Clean my downstairs because I am too OCD for how messy it is right now.
- Wrap my mom's present and sign the card
- Look into what I will be taking in September class wise.
- Budget myself considering I will be starting to pay rent soon, ew.
- Paint, because I miss it.
Overall, looking like a very productive day ahead of myself! I am stoked :)

I hate how my hair always looks really good on days when I'm getting it done! Anger!
Oh well.
Last night was awesome, awesome, awesome.

Mhm

I am so glad I start work at 10:30 rather than ten. I always get all prepared to start work at ten on these days and then I have a whole half hour for Brittany! Oh yes.
I don't want to work today thoughhh, I would much rather have the day off. ALTHOUGH, I just have to to remember, I work today and have a four shift tomorrow, then happy. And the day after that four hour shift THEN MY WEEKEND STARTS. Yeah, that's right. I get a weekend. Mmmm yes.
I need to get my mom's birthday present soon, because Sunday is her day of aging. Yep.

Random medication induced ramblings

Need to remember my letter tomorrow.
That is my reminder to myself.
I need to stop being sick :(
Day off on Tuesday! :)
ENTIRE WEEKEND OFF THIS WEEKEND!! :D
I'm happy, generally. My blips of sadness get alleviated by better things in life.
I am stoked for big things happening in the workplace. Ten hour days will be starting soon, but I don't care, it'll be worth it when I have a sweeet job.
I just relaxed after work today and let my body rest, which was obviously needed. Why won't this sickness go away? Or at least it pretends.. Then it's like "KIDDING! STILL HERE!!!" Merp. Do not like.

Sick.

Why did I have to go and get drunk last night?! AUG!! 6-2:30. LAMEEE
I'm going to die. Although, I think the cough and my sinus' will assist me in convincing people I'm just sick.

You noticed :)